pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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