ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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