He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
