Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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