How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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