i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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