roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
