How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
