he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
