I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
