She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
