Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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