good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
