Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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