Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
