I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
