he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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