Christians are straight up FREAKS
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
