Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
