I wish my penis had an off switch
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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