Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
