she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
