how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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