Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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