he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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