i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
