It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
