Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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