I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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