I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
