Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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