Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
