She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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