If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
