I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize