we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
