I feel great
I just peed on a car
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
