Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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