Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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