when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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