Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
