planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
