I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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