Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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