i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
