shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
