Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
