Michael Bay diarrhea
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
