You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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