I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Randomize
