My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm like, not good at living.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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