im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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