We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
