AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
