Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
