Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
