i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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