so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
