This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
