I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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