i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
