apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
