Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
