You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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