I looked at my own cervix.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
