No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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