i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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