ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
