Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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