Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
