Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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