I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
