my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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